Boris Interrupted: Connecticut: Mayflower Inn

When Boris told us he was going out to the wilderness of Connecticut, we assumed he was taking some "relaxation" at Silver Hill - of course we were wrong:

"Headed to glorious Washington, Connecticut for a relaxing weekend at the Mayflower Inn with the lovely Natasha.

Having never been to this out of the way area of CT, I was concerned about the quality of the establishment. Driving through small towns filled with shitty cars and ugly people, I grew even more concerned. These concerns were alleviated as soon as we drove up the Mayflower driveway to see the elegant Connecticut cottage and beautiful grounds, and a driveway filled with serious sports cars and only a couple of SUVs, but at least they were Range Rovers.

The staff was extremely attentive and kind right off the bat. Most of the staffmembers were young white redheads with freckles, but nevertheless very sweet. Personally, I prefer the staff at The Wheatleigh but mostly because they are European and therefore more attractive and better at ass-kissing, but I digress. The manager at the Mayflower, Wade (also apparently known as
"Mr. Mayflower") was great. He was kind enough to bring me
Alka-Seltzer at 1:30am as I was having some sort of heartburn attack (the country air makes me crazy) looking bright-eyed and perky.

There is a little hotel shop run by a funny badly-dressed Latino flamer who sells all sorts of overpriced Loro Piana getups. After a boozie dinner one night, I purchased a set of cocktail napkins that I thought were hankerchiefs. Fuck it, I'll use them as hankerchiefs--the WASP set in Palm Beach will never know the difference.

Off of the staff and onto the rest of the joint. One should definitely stay in the Eaton Suite (Room 22). It's the nicest room by far. The suite has a terrace, which is important so one can smoke. However since the whole place is non-smoking I had to make due with a converted water bottle for an ashtray. Also, the terrace was off of the bedroom which was not so great as it stunk up the sleeping quarters when I smoked my Marlboros. The minibar had very sparse offerings. I had to summon up a bottle of Black Label for the weekend, which I think may have upset the staff's small-town sensibilities but who gives a shit I've got to feel at home if I'm this far away from a big city.

I attempted to go running (supposedly this is going to improve my health but I'm still waiting to see that happen) on the hotel grounds but there apparently is no track and I was instead sent into the forest, and that was no fun.

The food was very tasty at the good ol' Mayflower. The hamburger was excellent for lunch, and dinner highlights included a delicious fried soft shell crab with barbecued bacon (thick and short ribesque just how I like it), a pampano in a beurre blanc sauce (I'm fat and I like butter) topped with morels, and I also consumed a very good steak. The quality about all these dishes which I most admired was that none of them needed additional salting or any other seasoning, something quite rare even in the best establishments. The dining room also had a proper wine list which I was pleased with. They had my Natasha's favorite 2001 Chevalier Montrachet, and a 1999 Nuit St. Georges for the night I consumed the steak.

Now onto the spa: This was a large, attractive and very white building, much more modern than the main cottage of The Mayflower. There were large comfortable chairs with throws on them all over the place to lounge on while waiting to be served. The massage was very very good--no kung fu deep tissue crap, just really talented masseuses who left me feeling like butter. The masseuses were older but decent-looking women, not butch. I tried to restrain myself from getting an erection during my massage but no luck (always happens, I'm too used to the shady Russian massage parlors of my youth). Anyway, no happy ending but a happily-massaged fat Russian.

In terms of other activiites up here in sunny Washington, CT there weren't too many except for antique shopping. This actually was more enjoyable than I expected especially as I have a new apartment on the Upper East which has nothing in it. We found one place called G. Sergeant which had some good French antique pieces. I picked up some Louis XVI bergere (that's armchair in bullshit speak).

Ta ta my babies!

Aint a damn thing changed,
Boris

+Mayflower Inn and Spa, 118 Woodbury Rd, Washington Depot, CT, +1 860 868-9466.
+Silver Hill Hospital, New Canaan, CT.
+Recommended Viewing: CT: Strange Suburbia: The Ice Storm.