NYC: Olympus Fashion Week: Twiggy Loons

With New York's Fashion Week fast approaching W4 brings you a brief synopsis of the fashion world.

Fashion: The fashion world is a strange beast, here is a simplified breakdown of the key components.

Models: Drug-addicted but attractive petite young things, often wearing a “deer in the headlights” look. This look is very appropriate as models tend to be painfully stupid. They often serve as arm candy for fat hideous old men, but it’s not the models’ fault, they don’t know any better and these sugar daddies pay them well.

Designers: Similarly drug-addicted but unattractive loons (with occasional exceptions) with some artistic talent and great PR. These creatures are excellent bullshit artists, as they are able to convince editors and clients that their designs are fabulous even though quite frequently the clothes are awful. The more innovative their designs, the heavier the designer’s narcotic intake.

Fashion Shows: Generally a fairly boring gig filled with fashion editors (who need to be there), celebrities and socialites (who think they need to be there), and unseated random hangers-on who are usually aspiring models or designers, and are a fairly sad bunch. One exception to the monotony of the fashion shows in recent memory was an 8AM show held in Peter Beard’s Studio in Manhattan. The scene was champagne and caviar, Ducati motorcycles strewn about the studio, and scantily clad models exhibiting overpriced blue jeans although very few were actually wearing said jeans. This exception may not be applicable as it was unclear whether it was the jeans or the models that were up for sale, and the “designer” is currently on the run from what’s left of Escobar’s Medellin Cartel.

In terms of personal fashion, some say everyone has their own style and that should be accepted. The truth is that most people have no style and this is unacceptable. Find an Italian (fresh-off-the boat Napolitan not the fugazi contractor from the Jersey shore) and have him or her consult you on your apparel purchases, as these characters generally have superb style.
+New York Olympus Fashion Week, Location: Bryant Park.
+Where models stare at food: Koi, 40 West 40th Street, +1 212 921 3330.
+Peter Beard Studio, NYC.
+Suggested motorcycles for naked models: Ducati.
+Evidence: Crazy Fashion People: Heatherette.
+Ideal for treadmill viewing: Fashion TV.
+Track: Fashion, David Bowie.