Modern Gentlemen's Guide: Boris: Flying

Boris on Flying: "Generally, travelling on a commercial airplane anywhere is a horribly unpleasant experience. The planes are usually in Baghdad condition and the seats in First are never comfortable enough to truly get sleep, however I've found Virgin Upper Class to be extremely comfortable and was actually able to get some shut-eye in their bed/cocoons. Also, their free ground limousine transfers and in-car check-in make the entire process incredibly smooth.

The food on commercial airlines is always disgusting and actually gets worse the more exotic they try to get (the filet usually tastes like shoe leather covered in varnish sauce, and the pasta with cream sauce--well I won't go there). Any fish dishes are to be avoided at all costs. Private air travel is far superior because one can avoid going through the revolting experience of check-in, unacceptably poorly stocked first class lounges (Virgin, Cathay, and British Airways First being the exceptions) and most of all the security checkpoints where rent-a-cops give you the once over even though they have no idea what they're looking for. Taking off ones shoes is the most aggravating. I carry a shoe horn with me so as to not damage my Berlutis (we all know how often they are custom-fit with ball bearings and explosives in the heels). Lighters although confiscated if exposed should just be carried through in a pocket as they don't go off in the metal detector and the concept of not being able to light up after a long flight is just intolerable. For domestic US flights, we’ve found the United transcontinental P.S. service to be the only tolerable option with its’ smaller planes and lie flat seats.

Private air: the benchmark is really the G4. The food on private air tends to be fairly mediocre unless you are the type that has a private chef that trails you everywhere - which most likely means you are anorexic anyway so it translates to one expensive carrot peeler in your entourage. Again fish is to be avoided as is meat on private flights. When ordering the cuisine, I recommend a simple tuna sandwich or bagel and cream cheese, and try not to pig out on all the candy and junk food."

W4 Advice: If one must take to the skies - and it is highly recommended that you do if only to avoid unnecessary telephonic and electronic interruptions into your daily life - it is best to be the man that is on the first flight of the morning or last flight of the day. There are many benefits to this early bird / nightcrawler flightstyle: the ability to sleep in late or sneak out early, avoiding delays at the airport and on the tarmac waiting to take off, minimzing your time spent in terminals full of disastrous accents and bad behavior, and making the most of one's day on terra firma. Each of these should be a worthy priority in one's life. Fly when you must but remember its always best to be early to the party or late. Either way you can make a speedy exit without anybody noticing.

+Virgin Atlantic Upper Class.
+United P.S.
+Cathay Pacific.
+Previous W4: Travel: P.S. Forget Paying Our Staff, Let's Party.
+Previous W4: Travel: Tumany Cords: Nifty: Tech.
+W4 Photog: Dallas to Miami, 10 March 2006.