Suncrawler: Koi Pond Full of Bad Elements: Hollywood

Suncrawler reports back from the LA basin where things have taken a nasty turn:

"Koi used to be the best fish in the pond - and it still may be serving them up nightly however the crowd has turned valley porn star / hooker to the point that even the LA natives find the crowd disgusting. A recent dinner in the celebrity infused fish pond had our table of ten, which you would think would provide ample insulation, seated between a group of escorts and their madam and either a fallen hip hop star or hustler and his apple bottom coochies. After the porn star / escort table began arguing over the bill and one older Botox-ed one ran off attempting to cry (if that is physically possible given the plasticity of her face) we quickly lost our appetite and any desire to ever swim again in this pond. It's back to our good ol' sushi mainstay, Hirozen.

On the nightlife front, add another horrible club to the list of L.A. nightlife disasters. Element, a converted warehouse in Hollywood with a smoking corral in the rear is something out of a bad teen sitcom. The club is a bit like the 90210 episode where everyone takes ecstasy and nothing good transpires. Except no one here is on ecstasy.

On a recent Saturday night - which we will concede is possible the worst night to go out in LA - the only element one could hope to be floating around this place was radon. It would make the world a better place. The only saving grace of this place are the incredibly attractive and fun waitresses who do their best to endure this nightly disaster. The music rotates through that slow grind of crap hip hop tracks with no surprises and only post 1:15am-ish does it get into some more movable beats. But soon after they are raising the lights on sadly you find yourself sadly still stuck in a warehouse with some of the worst elements of Southern California. Our South American Man of Mystery who directed us to this place because he partied with Jessica Simpson there a week earlier should have his visa revolked. It is back to ordering in a handle of Jack from the Liquor Locker to my room at the Chateau."

+Koi, 30 N La Cienega Blvd, Los Angeles, +1 310 659-9449.
+W4 Suggests: Hirozen, 8385 Beverly Blvd, Los Angeles, +1 323 653-0470.
+Element, 642 N Las Palmas, Hollywood, +1 323 460 4632.
+Guilty Pleasure TV: 90210.
+Free Delivery: Liquor Locker, 8161 W Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, +1 323 656-1140.
+Photog: Streets of Dresden.