Modern Gentlemen's Guide: Alibis
Destinations: Never let any one of the women you’re involved with know exactly where you are, unless you don’t mind them knowing who you’re with. More often than not, when juggling multiple women, you don’t want any of them to run into you anywhere or be able to track you down. As such, tell them you’re going to one of your typical hangouts located within a 10-block radius of your actual destination. The reason being that if they do try to come track you down you can say you went there, left, and went to another locale in the neighborhood. When on vacations with one of your girls, give the others a false but nearby destination. For example, if you’re going to France, tell them Italy. The reason for this being that you don’t want to come home from St. Tropez with a tan and say that you’ve been in Aspen. Windburn? It’s a tough sale. Make sure that you’ve been to and know about the bogus destination as you will surely be quizzed.
Hotels: Never give any of your girls the correct name of the hotel you’re staying at. Instead, tell them you’re staying at a different hotel, which should be at the opposite end of town. The reason for this being that if they try to track you down at the bogus hotel, the hotel operator may give suggestions of other nearby hotels to try, but not one in a completely different area.
Phone Use: Always make sure that if a phone call has to be made to one member of the concubine while on a vacation with another, always use the cell phone. Remember that everyone has caller ID, and getting a call from a 702 area code is awfully suspicious if you’ve supposedly just gone to the Hamptons to relax for the weekend. You’ll tell me this is obvious, but 20% of the time you’ll forget. Also make sure you’re in a relatively quiet space when making the call as background noises can give you away.
Receipts: Always get rid of receipts of any and all kinds. They will always get you in trouble and women always look for and find them.
Schedules: If you keep any sort of written itinerary of your day’s plans, make sure to keep it hidden or rip it up at the end of the day. These can also get you in trouble.
Hotels: Never give any of your girls the correct name of the hotel you’re staying at. Instead, tell them you’re staying at a different hotel, which should be at the opposite end of town. The reason for this being that if they try to track you down at the bogus hotel, the hotel operator may give suggestions of other nearby hotels to try, but not one in a completely different area.
Phone Use: Always make sure that if a phone call has to be made to one member of the concubine while on a vacation with another, always use the cell phone. Remember that everyone has caller ID, and getting a call from a 702 area code is awfully suspicious if you’ve supposedly just gone to the Hamptons to relax for the weekend. You’ll tell me this is obvious, but 20% of the time you’ll forget. Also make sure you’re in a relatively quiet space when making the call as background noises can give you away.
Receipts: Always get rid of receipts of any and all kinds. They will always get you in trouble and women always look for and find them.
Schedules: If you keep any sort of written itinerary of your day’s plans, make sure to keep it hidden or rip it up at the end of the day. These can also get you in trouble.
posted by W4 at 8:38 AM
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