Champagne Ponies: Cartier International Polo

In our ongoing coverage of champagne swilling social events that masquerade as sporting events we bring you summer polo season. In our first installment we receive this report just in from Booze Island [England]. Next week if we can find a correspondent to muster up the courage we slum it with the American version at Bridgehampton Polo:

"Overdue Library Book took advantage of London's unusually bright steamy summer to venture out of the stacks and to the Guards Polo Club in Windsor for the not-to-be-missed annual Cartier International Polo Match. Those eager enough to leave Volstead Saturday night before four am managed to alight in Windsor early Sunday and witness Prince Harry on his steed in the morning match. The rest of us rolled in around two for the main event of the day, if one was there for polo and not the China White afterparty or cement-roller shopping, the England - New Zealand match. New Zealand, the favoured squad, began the match with a two point handicap, which meant that the English were able to overcome their lack of athleticism and win 9-7. In the meantime, crowds of well-heeled Sloanes, black leather-clad Euros, and sun-kissed South Americans dined on succulent Argentinian steaks and shamelessly overpriced bottles of warm champagne. There was no lack of Pimms flowing either, which no doubt contributed to the general aura of happiness and sun stroke, which resulted in a few accidental Audi purchases. This all meant that by six o'clock, when the China White party opened its doors, most partygoers were already too drunk to be able to sort out their tickets and a mob scene ensued. Hot aristos like TB Darbyshire turned on their heels and skipped off to Annabel's in London instead, where they were joined by a hummer limousine of leggy Argentines."
+Cartier Polo, Gaurd's Polo Club.
+Previous W4: Volestead: London: Prior Engagements.

W4 Goes on Holiday: Shadow Boat

For those of you interested in purchasing a yacht, you will need to consider whether the boat can accommodate all of your needs. Granted if you purchase what is by Abramovich standard's a "real" boat (roughly 300' and up) you will most likely have many of your entertainment and leisure wants taken care of. Rising Sun, Al Salamah, Octopus, and Platinum all have amentities such as helipads, private submarines, movie theaters, onboard discotheques, and all sorts of other goodies. However, we would like to propose something that will take you one step further: the shadow boat. Shadow boats are vessels intended to tail the main yacht and are designed to house helicopters, speed or sailboats, cars, SUVs, motorcycles, submarines, and even sleep your personal security team (personal SWAT team was how it was mentioned somewhere--very chic). This way, your main boat doesn't get cluttered and you have easy access to anything and everything you could possibly want to bring with you from the shadow behind you. Shadow Marines range from 110 to 280' and the prices start at around $5,000,000.

Looking forward to seeing you on the high seas,
The W4 Nautical Team

+Shadow Marine.

Tango Alpha: All Is Spendito In Portofino

Our newest correspondent, the architect of many a good thing is the ever dapper Tango Alpha. He reports from the cliffs of Italy:

"During the occasional excursion to a Portofino wedding it is always recommended to
allow for maximum diversity among party-going individuals. A gay prodigy virtuoso violinist is always the necessary wild card that will offset the economic and social differences among a cross-cultural wedding. The usual La Cervara setting, exquisite food, and designer Italian attire are the givens in this equation of debauchery which left of us thirsting for more. Finalizing the evening at the cliffside discotechque Mako in Genoa for late-night adventures, having breakfast on the terrace of Hotel Splendido, then an outdoor massage made the U.S. seem like a dismal wet dream of material culture without the happy ending."

+Mako, Corso Italia 28/R, Genoa. +39 010 367 652.
+Hotel Splendido, Salita Baratta, 16, Portofino. +39 0185 267 801.
+Tango Alpha Also Prefers: Terme Vals, Switerland.
+W4 Photog: CYJO: Portofino, Italy, 10 July 2006.

Mr. Jenkins No Happy: Japonais: New York

Boris reports from Japonais in New York:

"Went to the opening of this new locale last night located in the old Stone Crab space off of Park Avenue South. The crowd was very mediocre consisting of wannabe hipsters who were actually ad execs, too many fat girls, badly-dressed gay guys, an Isaac Mizrahi imposter, and some gent who looked like a bloated Mr. Bean in a bowtie. The decor of Japonais is kind of sleek, kind of Japanese whorehouse but the lighting was too high and no whores. I sampled a couple of dishes from their menu which included a salmon and shrimp tempura roll that was decent but smothered in way too much sauce (I really feel like Americans love mayo much more than they actually enjoy raw fish), a duck pancake with an interesting chutney: passable but no Mr. Chow, and a rock-seared sliced steak which was actually the tastiest item at Japonichnich. Overall, the experience at this new restaurant/lounge felt like one of those Tanqueray ads with the suave British guy but they weren't even serving Tanqueray. Japonono will most likely turn into one of those tried-to-be-trendy after-work places along the sad no-man's land of Park South between 14th and 23rd. On a side note, I hate the concept of after-work drinks. People should go home after work, take a nap, get dressed properly, and then go out."

+Japonais: 111 East 18th Street, New York, +1 212 260 2020

Suncrawler: Koi Pond Full of Bad Elements: Hollywood

Suncrawler reports back from the LA basin where things have taken a nasty turn:

"Koi used to be the best fish in the pond - and it still may be serving them up nightly however the crowd has turned valley porn star / hooker to the point that even the LA natives find the crowd disgusting. A recent dinner in the celebrity infused fish pond had our table of ten, which you would think would provide ample insulation, seated between a group of escorts and their madam and either a fallen hip hop star or hustler and his apple bottom coochies. After the porn star / escort table began arguing over the bill and one older Botox-ed one ran off attempting to cry (if that is physically possible given the plasticity of her face) we quickly lost our appetite and any desire to ever swim again in this pond. It's back to our good ol' sushi mainstay, Hirozen.

On the nightlife front, add another horrible club to the list of L.A. nightlife disasters. Element, a converted warehouse in Hollywood with a smoking corral in the rear is something out of a bad teen sitcom. The club is a bit like the 90210 episode where everyone takes ecstasy and nothing good transpires. Except no one here is on ecstasy.

On a recent Saturday night - which we will concede is possible the worst night to go out in LA - the only element one could hope to be floating around this place was radon. It would make the world a better place. The only saving grace of this place are the incredibly attractive and fun waitresses who do their best to endure this nightly disaster. The music rotates through that slow grind of crap hip hop tracks with no surprises and only post 1:15am-ish does it get into some more movable beats. But soon after they are raising the lights on sadly you find yourself sadly still stuck in a warehouse with some of the worst elements of Southern California. Our South American Man of Mystery who directed us to this place because he partied with Jessica Simpson there a week earlier should have his visa revolked. It is back to ordering in a handle of Jack from the Liquor Locker to my room at the Chateau."

+Koi, 30 N La Cienega Blvd, Los Angeles, +1 310 659-9449.
+W4 Suggests: Hirozen, 8385 Beverly Blvd, Los Angeles, +1 323 653-0470.
+Element, 642 N Las Palmas, Hollywood, +1 323 460 4632.
+Guilty Pleasure TV: 90210.
+Free Delivery: Liquor Locker, 8161 W Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, +1 323 656-1140.
+Photog: Streets of Dresden.